Is the first statement and principle about Christian marriage 'wives submit to husbands' or 'submit to one another'? It's an important question to ask of the longest extended New Testament teaching on marriage, for those who want to be biblical Christians.
Ephesians 5:21 teaches "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ" as the primary overarching principle for marriage. This corrects an improper reading of Ephesians 5 that puts 'wives submit to your husband' in verse 22 as the first statement and principle of Christian marriage.
The Greek word we translate as 'submit' here was a military term meaning 'to rank yourself under; to subordinate to.' So husbands, wives - the #1 biblical principle for your marriage is to pull rank on your spouse DOWNWARD. Subordinate your rank, your best interest, your preferences, your authority to that of your spouse. Because Christ submitted himself to our need and empowers his followers to do so for others now. You are not to set the marriage and the home up to work for you, but primarily to work well for others. 'Out of reverence for Christ.'
The NIV translation of the Bible makes this clear by placing the heading "Instructions for Christian Households" before verse 21, as a paragraph break. Unfortunately, the NAS translation (and others) continues to make the error of placing the paragraph break between verses 21 and 22, with the heading of "Marriage" in that break just before verse 22. That is incorrect. I can only assume the error is agenda-driven because it is certainly not driven by the original text itself. Let me show you.
Two clear reasons exist in the text that show us why the understanding that v. 22 'wives submit to your husbands' is incorrect as the first principle of the teaching on familiy or marriage in Ephesians 5:
1. There is no verb in verse 22. In the Greek verse 22 literally reads 'wives, to your husbands...' It is a dependent clause, not a stand alone sentence. It relies upon the verb in verse 21. Therefore it does not begin the section on Christian family relationships or marriage. The verb 'submit yourself' is carried over from verse 21. Therefore 'wives submit to husbands' is not the first principle of Christian marriage, and it is incorrect for any English Bible to make a paragraph break between verses 21 and 22, putting the heading 'the Christian family' or 'marriage' above verse 22.
2. 'One another' clearly requires more than one person in the marriage doing the submitting. That is linguistically elementary. 'Submit yourself to one another' in verse 21 therefore clearly applies to both spouses in a marriage (and more generally to every family relationship, since this verse also introduces a long teaching on the family in general).
This teaching does not negate the fact that God gave us two genders which mysteriously reflect the image of God differently. Nor does it negate the fact that Paul goes on to refer to the fact the husband is somehow 'head' to wife. Much has been and could be written here about that. Primary interpretations of 'head' in this passage are 'leader' (ranging from authority in the home to initiator among equals) and 'source' (because Paul is referring to creation order).
Nor should this principle be used to justify living as a doormat or under abuse or domination.
What remains clear is that differences in gender creation and intent within marriage are secondary to God's primary principle for a Christ-centered marriage: 'Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.'
I love the dance of mutual submission Angie and I have shared for 25 years, at our best putting the others' interest ahead of our own. Empowered by each of us 'reverencing' or worshipping Christ in our own hearts daily, our Lord who said 'I came not to be served but to serve...go and do likewise.' When we each spend time with Him and in His Word regularly, the Spirit of Christ naturally makes us servant-like to one another. It is in my nature to take more initiative regarding our life calling throughout the years, it is in her nature and personality to take more initiative in many areas of our life together. And its always worked best when we knock ourselves out to pull rank on one another, 'this is what I want/prefer, but really, what about YOU?'
