In June of 2015 I experienced a full-blown, textbook panic attack which caused me to push myself through a scary, but healing journey. I have been a christian for many years but fear planted a seed in my heart at a young age.
[Today's post is from an anonymous, precious Lake Forest Church woman who has allowed me as pastor to travel alongside a bit of her path from being controlled by fear and anxiety, to beautiful freedom in Christ. With her permission, I share her story with you. If this is your issue, may you be given hope and be mentored by these words. If you walk with others who struggle with fear and anxiety, this will help you be a better friend]
I have been a christian for many years but fear planted a seed in my heart at a young age. That seed grew through many traumatic events, some big, most small, but each watered that seed in its own way.
It began with sexual abuse at age 3. Life became unsafe in my eyes from that point on. I learned to approach life cautiously and protected, continuing to manifest fear as my reality. My childhood was not terrible in many regards but there were some key components that continued to feed my unsafe reality. Fear began to become safe for me, it was all I knew, it was familiar. A few years back we moved into a new house. One month later someone shot a bullet through our bedroom window while we were sleeping. Nine months later I was diagnosed with PTSD, this caused my first experience with medication to help me balance my life. This incident caused my home to become unsafe, and my bedroom would create the most anxiety for me.
The seed was growing all these years, unbeknownst to me. It was gearing up to show its face someday.
And then it happened…
For 3 days I did not sleep well, if at all. I had trouble breathing. I became nauseous at times. I doubled over with stomach pains. I would shake uncontrollably. I would wake up multiple times in a panicked nightmare, afraid to try to sleep again. I became debilitated in living every day life. I was irrational. I was angry. I was scared.
My first decision was to reach out to the ladies in my community group and my mentor, an amazing lady with whom I began a mentoring relationship with a few years ago. I texted them and asked them to pray for me. I didn’t know what else to do. One of these trusted friends suggested I call a counselor. I did. I had an appointment 3 days later. That same day I called my doctor and discussed medication, mainly to help me sleep at night. I had medication the next day. My healing journey began.
I was able to sleep at night. The nightmare’s began to stop. The shaking, breathing, and stomach pains stopped. I began to feel like maybe there was hope.
The first things I learned and began to do on a regular basis were numerous. I met with several friends over the next few weeks. Many of my friends would text me and call me regularly to see how I was doing. I began to protect my mind and what I put in it. I listened to christian music in the car and at home while I worked. I stayed off of Facebook, completely. I was careful what I would watch on tv. I would be careful what conversations I would take part in. I have a daily devotional, it takes 2 minutes to read, I began to read that daily. When I would wake up at night or early in the morning, or as I was driving in my car, I would pray, many times it was just calling out God’s name or singing a worship song, but I would do it daily. I began to find verses and encouraging words and I posted them where I could see them every day. I began regular visits with a counselor. I learned how to “reset” my feelings when I felt my fear or anxiety was triggered. I began to learn those triggers and how to address them, not run from them. I began to seek out God’s truths and promises to me and pray those over my life, daily. I revisited my past fearful traumatic events and began a painful process to release the hold they had over my life. I began to dig up that seed that was planted so many years ago.
I asked myself: If I believe what God has promised and start remembering what He has protected me from then what is stopping me from allowing Him to release me from this stronghold of fear?
I began to let Him work. I protected my mind and my ears which protected my thoughts. I focused on God. I reconnected with the Holy Spirit and let Him show me my true heart and start to develop that. I listened to Him. I learned about Him. I looked for Him. I read about Him. I prayed to Him. I asked for His help. I found Him.
Fear still crosses my path, it always will. We will never completely avoid it. It finds us daily and it is everywhere. The world is full of it on all levels. What changes and how we can overcome it is by changing what our reality is. God teaches us to protect our hearts and our minds. He tells us to think about things that are lovely, pure, true and noble. He tells us to protect our hearts because it is the well-spring of life. God gave us a spirit of power, love and a sound mind. He said to not be afraid, or terrified, for He is with us wherever we go. These are His truths and His promises. This is what our reality should be. The world offers none of this. Protect yourself with God’s truth, in this is where you find freedom from fear.
I began to develop a craving for God, His word, His comfort, His truth. He began to be my peace and my new reality. My new practical skills and my new learned truths became automatic as triggers came up. I was able to diffuse the old feelings and habits instantly. He started to uproot that seed of fear in my heart and He began to re-plant trust, peace, comfort, joy and love. In all my years of following God I finally began to live in His freedom and truly began to understand what that meant. For the very first time in my life I began to feel safe.
There is a big difference between being a christian and allowing God to change your life. It’s not easy, but little by little, focusing on one thing at a time and giving up our own efforts, He will do it. We cannot practice to be free, we can only accept it from Him.
