Open Mike

Because of Covid-19 I can't visit my Dad

Because of covid-19 I can't visit my Dad. He's in a great place with people who care. For people with extreme memory loss.

I love my Dad. He was a great Dad. At my games. Loved me. Pointed me to Jesus. (pic of Mom and Dad at Dylan's college graduation dance)

Yet we were distant during my teen and college years. 

As a young adult of 28 wise years I confronted Dad with the content of our emotional inability to connect.

He told me stories of his early life challenge and dysfunction, leading to parental patterns. 

I told him 'I understand you better. As son please understand me better.’   

You graciously did. Remarkably so.

Dad (as adult parent - mark this - you are never done) overcame earlier life emotional transgressions not by naming and repenting of each, but by presence. Accepting, blessing, consistently-showing-up presence. Of Christ. To me. My wife. My boys.

This presence of Christ over all things is the most powerful thing anyone can speak over their family or friends, as you seek to give or receive blessing.

May you receive it for yourself, and extend it to others close to you, today.

An Early Fall Note to LFC Parents of Teens

Hey parents of teens – pastor Mike here.  I’ve been in your shoes recently (they are good shoes, but demanding).

God has appointed you the primary shepherd of your teen’s heart, even today.  You are the only parent(s) they have.  Psychologists consistently combat the primary lie at this phase of parenting – that your job is done and their peers are now the primary reference point. NO.  Studies show conclusively they peg who they ARE and ARE NOT becoming primarily to you, all the way through age 21.  So don’t check out, mail it in, or retire prematurely from taking leadership in their life.  However, it does look different the older they get.

I have a suggestion for you:  make a deal with your teen(s) that they give LFC’s RE:MIX youth group a try for ONE MONTH on Sunday evenings, starting tonight.

I have three reasons: 1. loving adult mentors will thus be in your kids life, who love Jesus and love them - WHAT A MASSIVE ASSET. It made all the difference in the world in my two sons lives.  2. they'll hear the Bible taught to their life-stage skillfully.  3. they will know they BELONG to a caring, fun group of people who love them and identify as followers of Jesus Christ.

I get it – when our children hit their teen years, ‘making’ them do something is still possible, yet often counter-productive. That’s why I recommend making a deal, offering an incentive.  Here’s how it sounded for me as a dad of high schoolers:

“Hey bud, spiritual growth and following Jesus is important in our family, and as long as you live in our home, you’re asked to share that priority, primarily by attending church worship with us.  But the best way for you to grow spiritually is to be part of our church’s youth group RE:MIX on Sunday evenings.  I’d like to make a deal – you attend RE:MIX for the first 4-6 weeks of the fall (starting this Sunday night).  And I will hook you up with XYZ (what is something they like?  Dinner out at a nice restaurant?  Movie tickets? Pay for a pizza party with friends at your house? Make it valuable to them IF you value their spiritual health).  After those weeks, we will have a conversation and decide together if RE:MIX is something you’ll participate in the rest of the semester.”

The fall kickoff is this Sunday.  Check the website like a modern human for times and details.

Oh and by the way, we have crazy renewed energy in our RE:MIX youth ministry this year.  This is the result of stable years’ long leadership under Mike Hall, Cammie Howard, and their dedicated team of leaders. They are fun, they’re intentional, they care about each teenager and their spiritual life. 

The results of Lake Forest Church-Huntersville’s RE:MIX ministry thriving  is not just that more teens are showing up for ‘events,’ but its weekly discipleship, seeing tons of teens serving throughout every ministry of our church and on mission trips, and a bunch of kids whose families don’t even attend LFC wanting to belong at RE:MIX. 

Daily in God's Word: Ignatian Approach to Advent Devotional

Last Sunday we handed out a daily Advent devotional at the Kidtropolis check-in stations and I offer it today for your use.  It is primarily geared for parent(s) to lead their child(ren) through, as a user-friendly way to be in God's Word daily and focus on Jesus this December.  But I am using it as my daily devotions this season personally, and want to invite you to as well.

The authors of this devotional guide are Aron Gibson (our kick tail WestLakeForest pastor) and Tracy Grubbs (our self-named 'Creative Arts Chick' at LFC - I allow people to write their own job titles). There are two things I like most about it:

1. It models for us that our daily engagement with God's Word doesn't have to be exhaustive, long, or exhausting to be meaningful.  Sometimes a brief focus and prayer over a single verse has more sticking power for the day, and in the heart, than reading a whole chapter. And that can be done in a few focused minutes.
2. They chose an Ignatian approach to a family devotional, by making one simple statement about each Bible reading, then posing a question or two.  Parents, this is tutoring you in how to be a 'spiritual director,' or shepherd, to your child.  Use the questions as starting points, let your child and yourself explore them, and gently turn them to consider God's presence in their lives that day.

I'm asking the LORD to gift me with a more child-like heart this Advent season as I follow this guide.  Thank you Aron and Tracy.

You can download the LFC Advent Family Devotion here. Note: Because of how the booklets are set up for our printer, this download will not have the dates in order. You’ll just have added family bonding time searching for the dates as a first step :) (also we will have a few more to handout in Kidtropolis this Sunday)

  Download Advent Family Devotional 2015_print[1]

Homosexuality, The Bible & Christians

We don't jump up and down about homosexuality at our church.

One, because we refuse to let our culture dictate how important or unimportant an issue is.  Whether its liberal or conservative media, or liberal or conservative Christianity (both of whom make too big a deal too often of this issue for opposite reasons), we strive to keep our focus on the essentials of the Christian faith.

Two, we rarely focus on this issue because we do not want to give the impression, or buy into the lie, that any one sin is greater than another. For example, we've recently re-edited a section of our membership class manual that seemed to be giving that impression too often.

But we did focus on "Homosexuality, The Bible & Christians" this past Monday night.  I felt that we owed our congregation more biblical clarity about the subject.  I also wanted to offer pastoral and prophetic encouragement as to what it means to apply the grace and truth of Jesus to loving our LGBT friends, co-workers, neighbors and family members.  In addition, I wanted to speak directly to those who have same sex attraction, as Pastor Mike to any who will have me.

So here is the recording, and the handout I gave to everyone. I broke the lecture up into two parts (this totals an hour and fifteen minutes), then we held about thirty minutes of Q& A and comment. There are many things I wish I had also said, or said better (like "if you have a friend who is homosexual, your friendship doesn't have to be about that - just be a good friend," and "you don't have to agree with our biblical position on this to be a member of Lake Forest"), but I'll let this stand (ummm's and all - for some reason i was chewing 'ummm gum' that evening, sorry).

Homosexuality, The Bible & Christians

Download BibleandHomosexualityHANDOUT

Books to Help Table Talk about Sexuality With Your Children or New Spouse

I promised today's post to parents - mentoring help for how and when to talk to your children about their sexuality.

I'm going to shotgun some resources today for healthy biblical approaches to sexuality, including resources for parents, single adults, newlyweds, and those who are sexually addicted.  Some of them may be a bit dated, so if you look them up on Amazon, look for 'those who bought this also bought...' for similar, newer books from a Christian perspective:

FOR PARENTS:  Here is the entire series Angie and I read along with our boys through their different stages of development.  We took the wisdom from friends and started our 'birds and bees' talks early - being age appropriate each time, building up into adolescence.  Because Angie and I were the first to talk with each son about his body, sexuality, and eventually adolescent changes and sexual morality - there was little to no embarassment on their part.  Mostly openess and curiosity.  Because we used this series of books as our guide (simply reading to each boy, out on the futon of our back porch, during the recommended age range), Angie and I also had little to no anxiety.  We simply had to make the time for it during bed-time reading.  Because the content overlapped and developed over time, I think it was more effective learning for them, as opposed to a one-shot high-anxiety talk with us about sex. These books are written for parent and child to read and discuss together.  I highly recommend these:

"The Story of Me."  Designed for ages 3-5 and using age-appropriate illustrations, this book explains to children the marvelous body God gave them.

"Before I was Born (God's Design for Sex)," by Carolyn Nystrom (and EPC elder in IL), explains in age-appropriate language the basic nature of sexual intercourse between husband and wife, and discusses the basics of conception, childbirth and more for children ages 5-8. THIS ONE IS CRITICAL TO COVER IN THIS AGE RANGE.

"What's the Big Deal: Why God Cares About Sex," Jones.  Written for children ages 8-11, helps kids find answers to their questions about sex.  It explains the basic facts about sexuality and sex, why God made adults so they want to have sex, what God says about sex in the Bible, and how to respond when faced with sexual pressure from peers or media. 

 

"Facing the Facts: The Truth About Sex and You," Jones.  Designed for children ages 11-14 (up to 16 or 17 if you haven't had these talks yet), equips kids to understand and deal with the changes of puberty. It also examines why God intends sex for marriage, discusses love and dating, and answers tough questions about sexuality.

 

Here's a link: Biblical Sexuality Books for 'the talk' with kids

 

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SINGLES, COLLEGE STUDENTS AND OLDER TEENS:  Several awesome 20-something women at Lake Forest convinced me this is the best book out right now directly (and frankly) on the subject we addressed in church last Sunday - God's design for sex to wait and be added to love in the covenant of marriage.

 

Real Sex: The Naked Truth about Chastity by Lauren F. Winner

 

NEWLYWEDS AND COUPLES:  I suggest that its healthy for newlyweds in particular, and most couples, to build a common language for communication about their sex life.  One such resource is:

 

"Getting Your Sex Life Off to a Great Start," by Penner and Penner.

 

Another is: "The Gift of Sex," also by the Penners.  Both are written from a Christian perspective and can easily be googled. These are a bit old, but still good.

 

 

SEXUAL ADDICTION (pornography, self-stimulation, anonymous encounters, etc.):  This book is the most helpful one I've ever worked through with Christians struggling in this way:

False Intimacy: Understanding the Struggle of Sexual Addiction by Harry Schaumburg